Waking up in a tree usually doesn't mean its gonna be a good day...today on the other hand I find it to be the opposite...at least in the short run as i find myself in a world of ponies
After dying in my world, I become Discord at the beginning of Return of Harmony. After breaking out, I decide to time travel to a year and a half before the first episode and see all of Equestria as a traveling unicorn mare merchant.
I never wanted any of this to happen... no, I did not. But who can blame me really? I didn't ask to be transported to Equestria, transformed into a pony, and have to relive my life from the beginning. It just happened.
Flynn Rider is the most daring dolt to ever dare to do the most dulling dare that no body would ever do. This isn't, of course, the smartest thing to do!
Shockwave was a completely normal Pegasus. He rarely spoke, and kept to himself. But inside, he feels special. And then he finds himself in another world completely.
The capitalization for Earth ran onto pegasus. Don't trust spellcheck with capitalization all the time. Also, PONY CREATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The writing's ok , you just might want to work on character development, scene development and making your chapters longer! Try not to rush through it, PoE is a hard genre to write and is generally low-quality if it gets rushed through. I'd advise against using a GeneralZoi's Pony Creator image though. They often get a lot of negativity. Also, Ethan and Shockwave are taking the whole trans-dimensional mashup incredibly well.
So far, this is a pretty good start for a Pony-on-Earth story. I just have a few complaints: -There are quite a bit of grammatical errors -It has the tone of someone telling it informally around a campfire. It'd be good for an oral telling, but the way you have it written seems a bit too informal. -You randomly switch from past tense to present tense. In writing that's a no-no. You have to stick with one or the other. You aren't allowed to switch between the two without good reason (such as a flashback or a recalling of events). -Your chapters are extremely short. At least try to get 1000 words per chapter. That's why the restriction is in place for new stories -Everything is rushed beyond all hell. Try to describe what's going on, and it would be better not to just give a list of descriptions in the beginning like you do at the start. Reveal the OC's qualities gradually through events and actions.
The capitalization for Earth ran onto pegasus.
Don't trust spellcheck with capitalization all the time.
Also, PONY CREATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like your work with perspective in this. It moves quickly, and nothing seems to drag.
Makes for a good read. Easily relatable.
The writing's ok , you just might want to work on character development, scene development and making your chapters longer! Try not to rush through it, PoE is a hard genre to write and is generally low-quality if it gets rushed through. I'd advise against using a GeneralZoi's Pony Creator image though. They often get a lot of negativity. Also, Ethan and Shockwave are taking the whole trans-dimensional mashup incredibly well.
Thanks guys!
Looks ok to me, why hate :/
So far, this is a pretty good start for a Pony-on-Earth story. I just have a few complaints:
-There are quite a bit of grammatical errors
-It has the tone of someone telling it informally around a campfire. It'd be good for an oral telling, but the way you have it written seems a bit too informal.
-You randomly switch from past tense to present tense. In writing that's a no-no. You have to stick with one or the other. You aren't allowed to switch between the two without good reason (such as a flashback or a recalling of events).
-Your chapters are extremely short. At least try to get 1000 words per chapter. That's why the restriction is in place for new stories
-Everything is rushed beyond all hell. Try to describe what's going on, and it would be better not to just give a list of descriptions in the beginning like you do at the start. Reveal the OC's qualities gradually through events and actions.
Just my 2ยข
you could easily combine these 3 chapters into one.
Okie doki loki
where's reginald?if this is a sequal then reginald has to be in here!
1830514
It's not so much a sequel as much as what happened on earth.
But I may reference him from time to time.
this is an pretty cool story, and cool sequel to Falling . By the way, who are the "humans clad in black and helmets"? are they the police. or...?
1832352 you'll see. I'm also juggling this story with a few others, so sorry about the delay. But now I'm on break, so I'll get crankin.
1832635 it's no prob. Just was curious and wonderin' of what you meant
"Everybody down! Now!"
NO.